Surprise!

The code and format on this blog is jacked up, so I'm working on it. If anyone reads this and has any tips, let me know!

Speaking of Jack, I didn't know it at the time but I was pregnant with him when I published the previous post. I found out a few days later. I am 21 weeks now and he is scheduled to make his arrival on May 30. Jack ____ McKee. Right now, I think it is down to Jack Nelson (after Willie  Nelson), Jack Thomas (after Papa) and Jack William (after cousin Willie).

To say we were surprised is an understatement. And to say I never thought that previous statement would come out of my brain is - well, not an understatement, that is true. I have been humbled - when people would say, "It was an accident!" in the past, I would think to myself, "Uh, they know how to get pregnant and how not to get pregnant. There are no accidents." Well, without going into detail, there are - it happened to us.

So yes, we were surprised, but are now so very enamored with the little boy growing inside of me. I feel him kick now, and each time it reminds me to soak this up (we aren't planning another pregnancy). I can't imagine a little boy -- I've only known little girls -- but I am certain I will learn and love being a boy mama.

Parenting sure is more challenging and more rewarding than I ever imagined.

Evaline Ross is One

What Evaline has taught me during year one.

Slow down. A little ironic seeing that sometimes life seems so "sped up." Time flashes by. Many mornings, we hurry out anxious to make it to school for her 8:30 breakfast time. However, I find myself taking a longer route home so we can "talk" a little longer. Instead of springing out of bed to grab coffee and get my day started, I linger in the morning while she drinks her morning bottle so I can nuzzle her and hug her and lock eyes, too. My slowing down moments may also explain my subsequent rush out the door. But that's okay. I'll steal these moments as much as I can. And that's what I'm doing really, isn't it? Stealing them? They aren't mine to keep.

Enjoy the little things. That's so cliché it makes me ill, but it's also so very true. Instead of viewing them as a time-sucking nuisance all the time, I like trips to the grocery store -- she adores riding in the cart and making eyes at strangers. And I love watching her do things she loves. I love long walks to nowhere because she does.

Motherhood must be where clichés were born. "Time flies." "They'll be grown before you know it." And more I just cannot think of right now. They are all true. All of them. Sometimes I wish I'd listened to moms before I was one -- but there's just no way you can grasp motherhood until you are a mother. (Another cliché, I believe).

She's taught me more. Much more. I'd spend too much time not soaking her up if I were to sit and write out all of it. The love I have for her is a fierce love. It even hurts sometimes and makes me scared. But it is a true love. An unconditional love. A love that now will go on with time. She is my legacy and I am her roots.

She's Blooming!

Miss Evaline is two and half months old. She smiles. She coos. She steals more of our hearts every day. She loves her paci and her thumb equally.

As you can see in the photo above, she's a long one! At her two month check up, she was in the 97th percentile for both height and weight, meaning she is taller and heavier than 97% of other little ones her age. She was 12.4 ozs and 24.5 inches long. She's too long for most three month outfits and is already sporting six month attire. They are a little loose on her but at least cover her long legs!

Aside from growing, she also spends her time staring at the mobiles above her changing table and in her crib. She's lifting her head like a champ. She's also spent a lot of time watching UT football with Dad.

Two months old, cheering on the Vols with Dad and Mr. Brian

She's seen her Noni and Poppy at least once a week. I think she is as in love with them as they are with her.




She's had an exciting couple of months. She got to meet her cousins George and Lily. I see a lot of fun and mischief in their futures. She also got to meet Aunt Alicia and Uncle Dale - we were so fortunate to spend Aunt Alicia's birthday with her! Evy also met Papa Tom who has nicknamed her "Gorgeous." She really lucked out with that nickname. I was branded "Miss Priss." :-) Mimi and Papa also met her and we so enjoyed visiting with them. And Cousin Willie just adores his Cousin Evaline. He loved holding her and talking to her and singing to her. He said, "She's pretty just like her Mama." (Awww.) To which Papa Tom promptly said, "No, Willie. She's prettier than her Mama." Oh, Papa - as Willie would say.

She loves her daddy so very much. It's hard to tell who she looks like. Sometimes, she is my mirror image. I think it's the eyes. Other times, she makes faces that are her dad, for sure.

Time - it's ticking away. It flies. It goes by way too fast. I now understand every cliche I've ever heard about time. I can hardly believe nearly three months have passed since Evaline was born. And yet, it seems like forever ago that we were a family of two. My maternity leave ends the week of Thanksgiving and I can feel the walls closing in. I had a bit of a meltdown last week about "leaving her" but am now just focusing on taking in every moment. I know that going back to work is the best thing for our family - and that she will always be loved and she will be cared for whether I am in her face 20 hours a day or not. Although it will be really tough to go back, I am actually looking forward to getting back into a routine and seeing all of my work family. There is one thing I know it won't change: I'll continue to fall in love with her more and more everyday. My sweet Evaline. As I type she is quietly cooing in her crib just waiting for someone to come get her - so better run!

We LOVE taking walks! Sometimes we walk with our friends, Dena, Maria, Renee and Charlie. We walked with Ava and Tran this week. And sometimes, it's just Mommy and me. Although a summer pregnancy was tough, this is the best time to have a newborn. The weather is perfect for going outside.

This Much I Know: SAHM Edition

Since being at home with Evaline for the past four weeks, there are certain truths I have come to realize about being here with an infant all day and all night.

1. It's easier to be naked. All day and all night. And clearly, having just birthed a baby, this has nothing to do with my libido or pride in my not rockhard body. Between breast feeding and being pooped on, going bare is just easier than 14 costume changes per day. We've been leaving the windows open and blinds up to let the wonderful Fall air come in these days, so I have to be strategic about which windows I pass.

2. I've become far too intimate with TV commercials. I know every commercial jingle on the air right now and if I had to name my top ten favorite songs, a couple of those jingles might make the list.

3. I'll never think of being a stay at home mom the same way again. While pregnant with Evaline I told Ryan we may need to seriously look at our plan and financial outlook because I had a feeling I might want to reconsider going back to work. While I would not trade these weeks at home with this baby and would love to have a few more than the three months I am taking, I now know going back to work is the best decision for all of us. Staying home with her is more challenging than I ever imagined (also more rewarding) and I really do have a new-found respect for those who do it.

4. I will not ever get done all of the things I planned to do. Before Evaline, I imagined that during my maternity leave I would have all of this leisure time to do many of the things I neglected to do while keeping up with hectic work and social schedules. I was going to learn to play guitar, write or blog everyday, clean out & organize every closet, hold a garage sale, host a sip & see for folks to meet E, host a party for my childbirth class, have birth announcements out by month one - and more (yes more). I also told the cleaning lady I wouldn't be needing her much for the next three months since I'd be staying home. She, having three kids, looked at me with pity in her eyes as if to say, "Oh honey. You really have no idea what you've gotten yourself into, do you?"

I wish I had a number 5 right now because I just like a list of 5 better than a list of 4, but I don't want to force myself to make something up. These flowed out of me like water because they are true. I know a #5 and beyond will come to me soon.

{5 minutes later after a Facebook break}

5. If I stayed at home, my family might be in the red. If I "like" one more cute kid's clothes/monogramming business on Facebook, I will have more retails friends than real people friends. I am addicted - my heart races when I see that a new cute outfit/applique/squeaky shoe is posted. I have been able to refrain from buying much, but that is only because I really don't know how clothes will fit her as she grows so don't know what sizes to buy. Once I know her growth track a little better, and if I were still sitting here browsing between her naps, it could get ugly. I also try to get out once every other day with her, which typically indicates going to some type of retail establishment and buying something. I need to go to more museums.

Since I've Been Born ...

(One week 0ld)

I've spent a lot of time outside. It relaxes me and I love looking up at the sunshine, or at night, looking up at the lights on the deck.

(Three Weeks Old)
Here I am about to go on my first walk in the awesome BOB stroller my friend Charlie loaned me. I loved the walk so much I slept right through it. I told you the outdoors relaxes me.

(Three weeks old)
It can be exhausting but I LOVE to cheer on the Vols with my Daddy. This picture was taken on the 2nd football Saturday. Our friends came to watch the game and I loved them "ooing" and "awing" over me. Go vols!

(3.5 weeks old)

Hoff is my best friend. Lola, too - but Hoff is more comfy to lay on. He loves me so much that he barks his head off at anyone who comes near me. I love my new family!

Ten Years Since 9/11

Where were you? I was watching the Today show and getting ready for work as a reporter at WBBJ in Jackson, Tennessee. It felt surreal to watch the news unfold and so unnerving to hear the horror and disbelief in the anchors' voices as they watched these unbelievable events unfold right along with us. My assignment at work that day took me to a college campus where young students were suddenly contemplating a different kind of future - one that likely involved our nation at war. Next, the news photographer and I went to an electronics store where every TV was tuned to news coverage. No sets were being sold but the store was packed with people with their eyes glued. I ended the day at a blood donation center where volunteers were showing up in record numbers. People wanted to do something - ANYTHING. But the memory that stands out the most is standing in the middle of the town square where it appeared to be a regular workday - dozens of people walking from here to there. Cars circling the courthouse looking for a parking spot. But if you closed your eyes and just listened, you could hear the impact of the day's events. Dead silence. No one was saying a word - no one! All you could hear was news coverage coming from car radios. Blank looks covered every face.
There were no skyscrapers in Jackson, Tennessee. Most people I talked to that day had never been to New York City - some had never flown. But even in Small Town U.S.A., tears were shed, hearts were heavy, and lives were forever changed. No one felt like a stranger that day. It dawned on me then and I still think today that those terrorists may have destroyed buildings, but they instantly built a stronger nation.

Evaline's Fast and Furious Arrival

She's here. Sweet Evaline Ross McKee joined us at 7:57 a.m. on Friday, August 19th - one day after her due date. She was 8 lbs, 13 ozs, 21.5 inches.

Evaline at two days old getting ready to leave the hospital.

I guess I started labor the day before - and I say "I guess" because I did not know I was in labor. I really think I was in denial and was convinced she'd be a 42 weeker. I ran lots of errands that day and cooked dinner and went about my day and night. My contractions did not become consistent until around 2:00 a.m. I'd moved to the other room at this point because I was restless and did not want to disturb Ryan. Around 2, I got up to walk around. Ryan got up when he heard me stirring but I told him to go back to bed - that if this was the real thing we had a lot of time and he should get his rest because it might be a long day. Boy, was I wrong! Time was something we did not have. Around 3 I got into the bathtub because I figured this would relax me and the contractions would stop if this was just a dress rehearsal. By 3:15 I was doubled over in pain and yelling Ryan's name. He had no idea where I was so he went running through the house before coming back to our master bath where he found me, hunched over in the tub with tears streaming and what I can only imagine was a terrified/excited look as I said "I think this is it." I was overjoyed - and scared to death. The rest of the story is a bit of a blur as my contractions were coming with less than a minute between them. Ryan called our doula, MB. He tried to finish packing the bags we both thought we had plenty of days left to pack - in between helping me through contractions. I ALMOST wish I had a video recording of all of this chaos, but with the disheveled and immodest state I was in, am glad there was no recording device to speak of.

We'd planned to labor at home for as long as possible, but once MB arrived, it was clear the hospital was the place to be - NOW. Our pups, Hoff and Lola, were hysterical as Ryan ran around throwing stuff into bags. They were trying to tend to me and trying to fend off this strange woman in our house - because clearly she was the one making me yell in agony. :-) Somehow, I made it into the car. I remember asking MB and Ryan if I could pee in the car. I didn't, but that shows how modesty and reason was completely lost on me at this point. After hitting construction traffic (YES! at 5:00 a.m.), we made it to the hospital with little time to spare. Once I made it into triage, I was fully dilated. They rushed me to the labor and delivery room where I labored for just a little while. MB and Ryan worked as a wonderful team in getting me to focus on the goal at hand. She coaching me to bring my high-pitched wails to a lower, more gutteral and productive sound - and he constantly rubbing my forehead with ice and wet cloths. Through the contractions, I would just give into the pain - and in between them, I floated to a dreamlike state. I felt so relaxed and peaceful in between those body-writhing sensations. Before long, little Evaline's heart rate began to dip, so Dr. Tonkin (whom I'd never met before - but LOVE her!) decided it was time to push. That's a good thing since my body was doing that anyway. This push part was the kicker. We women should all be in some kind of hall of fame or be awarded with a medal of some sort for this part. It was the only time I uttered the words, "I don't think I can do this." Well, you really have no choice - that baby is not staying in there forever. But, I pushed through. Although my mind was somewhere else, I do remember the cheering section around me. There was one nurse who really sticks out. She only came in during this last part and I never got her name, but she cheered me on like she was a lifelong Yankees fan at her first game. In fact, the whole team surrounding me made me feel like I was doing something for them by pushing this baby out - in a good way. When little E's head started to appear, MB asked if I wanted to see with the mirror she was holding up. I couldn't - only because I could not break my focus. I just kept imagining our little girl doing all she could to get out of there and my job was to help her out. This was our first tandem event. It seemed like a couple of minutes passed by when suddenly, this little pale, slimy thing was being placed on my chest. I was in disbelief. All I could say while looking down at her wide eyes and up at Ryan's wide eyes was, "It's my baby. It's our baby! She's here." What a feeling. An indescribable one.

During our first moments together.

There's so much more to say about the experience of becoming parents - or becoming a family - and the overwhelming love and emotions that come along with it - but there are almost no words. In that moment, my love for not only this baby grew, but my love for my husband and my love for the world - a compassion bigger than anything I'd ever known settled over me. My heart was so full.

Evaline, two days old. Daddy, sleep deprived in the hospital, admiring his baby girl.

To go back to a previous post, we did do it all with no drugs. It's a good thing we prepared for that because I am not sure there would have been time for that. It did not all go as planned -only because it went a lot faster than planned (that's a good thing, right?) but it was our perfect birth.

It's for her

Why are we considering a natural childbirth? It is a question we've been asked, with incredulous eyes looking on, for the past couple of months. And now, as we near her birth, it is a question I am asking myself. Is it to prove something to myself? Maybe that's part of it. Is it to prove my love to her? If I'm honest, I guess I'd have to say that this is a bit of a show of my love for her, but it is not my main motive, and it is certainly not Ryan's motive. 99% of it is because we believe this is the birth that is best for her. We want her to come into this world as peacefully as possible and we believe the best way to do this is by allowing my body to do what women's bodies have done for millions of years.

I also want to experience birth. I have not merely been a vessel in which she's been carried for 9 months - I have been her mother, her caretaker - the one who loves her, who feeds her, who protects her, who worries for her. It hasn't been fun and blissful the entire time. It's been frustrating, it's been uncomfortable and it's been painful at times - but I would do it again tomorrow. When she makes her very first entrance into this world and breathes her first breath, I don't want to blend in with the IV and the monitors or be just another person in that room. I want to be there 100%, mind and body.

I also want to be there with Ryan and experience this with him. It is not lost on me that this will be very difficult for him - to watch me in immense pain; to subject himself to possible abuse from a desperate wife; to give up conventional wisdom when it comes to birth and go the road less traveled. I would not be even considering this without his support and love and encouragement.

I know this is not important for some women, and that is fine - some of the healthiest babies on the planet are born to women who opted for a pain-free route. Most of the women I love with all of my heart opted for a medicated birth - and they are brilliant and wonderful mothers. This is our choice and ours alone. And who knows where this road will take us - if we have to be induced or if other unforeseen events occur, I might be in their club. Our ultimate goal is to have her here with us - to hold and love and hug and kiss - and we'll make decisions that we hope are best for her every step of the way.

Next ...

A new member will join Team Mac in August. Life is already changing with this pregnancy and will continue to change in ways we can't imagine right now. I am uncertain about a lot, but I do know I already love this lil' bit with my whole being. I already feel the weight of the power a parent holds. Ryan and I will be the greatest determining factor for how this little one turns out. I know this, in part, due to experiences in therapy. Every therapist starts with, "Tell me about your childhood" and "What is your relationship with your parents?" I know I'll mess up. I know I'll have regrets. But I also know I will love him or her unconditionally, and will always be the best mama I can be. Another thing I know is that Baby Mac has one incredible Dad. Ryan was born to be a father. There are things that are just natural for him that lend themselves to being a good parent. Patience is a certainly one of his strongest virtues; he gets his energy from giving love and feeling that love in return; his energy is boundless when it comes to his passions and to interacting with the little people in his life (and in that category I include our dogs, although one is anything but little).
Just this morning, I woke up pretty early for a Sunday (8 a.m.) and he'd already bounded out of bed. I found him outside playing in the dirt. He was engaging in his springtime passion of planting things. Sometimes, his planting experiments fail, but it doesn't matter. The joy he gets from planting the seeds and caring for these little plants and watching them grow is evident. He is a nurturer, through and through. He is going above and beyond to take care of our baby now by taking care of me through this pregnancy. Our little one is already lucky to have a Dad like Ryan and I am lucky to have him as a husband.

It's been a while and I think I am going to give this blogging thing a try. I originally started this blog for the sole purpose of sharing our wedding story with no intentions of continuing on. I'm not sure why. Perhaps because most of the blogs I read are written by moms who document their lives and those of their children. I love reading these. I don't have little ones, so perhaps don't know if I have anything of interest to share. Also, I am not sure how much I want the world to know about my life and I don't want to drag my friends and family into this public blogosphere, but know that inevitably, they are who I will write about. However, all fears and worries and reservations aside, I'd like to keep this up. I like writing. I like connecting with people. And I like documenting my thoughts - it helps me workshop through stuff that is going on.

I would like to write about this first year of marriage, as Mr. Mc and I just celebrated our anniversary. I'll do that soon, but wanted to first jot down something fresh on my mind. It's random and likely of little or no interest to anyone who may be reading this, but the dream I had last night is haunting me today. John Mayer was the center of said dream, and it was, unfortunately, completely G-rated. He first showed up as a toll-booth operator in Birmingham, Alabama. I don't think they have toll-roads in B'ham, but never-the-less, there he was, taking my $9 (the charge was $6 but I tipped him $3 - I guess just for being handsome and terribly talented). He gave me a knowing glance as he took my cash as if to say "don't tell - but yes - it is me." Then, as I am sitting in my office in Birmingham (I must have been traveling for work), I look out my 20th-or-so floor window to see Mr. Mayer, outside on one of those treacherous cart-thingees washing my window. He gives me the same knowing glance (if this had been a movie instead of a dream, you might see a little twinkle effect in his eye) and went about his washing. And that was pretty much it. I am not quite sure how to analyze this very vivid dream, but it was quite interesting. This dream, plus cold-like symptoms, kept me up off and on all night long. It was not easy getting up this morning - actually, it was damn near impossible. I felt like I'd been hit by the holiday food, booze and Monday blues truck. I seemed so removed from work after the long weekend of family and friends and doing absolutely nothing in my spare time. I suppose I could get use to that, but I'd likely get bored. And very, very fat.

I just love this picture. I borrowed it from a blog that just makes me so happy! The blogger snapped this photo and put it under things that make her happy: "seeing a couple that grew old together and still not wanting to be apart."
I wish this kind of love for all of us! How special.

The Days are Long but the Years are Short

I invite you to view this one-minute movie.
http://www.theyearsareshort.com/
Although I don't have a little one to take to school each day, I still get this. There are times I feel like I am moving through life, tackling task after task, and not really living it. This was a great reminder for me to live each moment - taking nothing for granted.

The movie was created by Gretchen Rubin, author of the blog (and the book of the same title), The Happiness Project. I started reading her blog as part of a work project and got hooked. Recently, I have seen several people severely affected by the the toll that life in general takes. Stress really does damage our physical beings - perhaps more then we know. Just as I try to take great care of my body by eating well, brushing & flossing, exercising, etc. - I know that I should put just as much effort into the betterment of my soul.
Remember to enjoy the days, friends - even when they are long.

A Picture is Worth ... Well, It's Priceless!

Ryan and I had the good fortune of having an amazing wedding photography team. And they were a TEAM! Four of them captured every wonderful moment of our most favorite day ever!
I have lots to talk about from that special day, and promise to do that soon. But until then, here is a sneak peak at our wedding photos! Just scroll to the middle of the page to see the McKee photos.
http://allisonrodgers.typepad.com/blog/

Introducing the Newest Member of the McKee clan

Clancy Hasselhoff "The Hoff" McKee

Clancy (KLAN-see): An ancient Irish name meaning "red warri0r".

Hasselhoff (HASS-uhl-hoff): Starred in the 80s hit "Knight Rider". Also has a promising musical career in Asia. Also gets hammered and devours cheeseburger. Our "Hoff" is a big fan of vodka, beer, and we are sure if we allowed it, cheeseburgers.

Hoff has already done a lot of living in his short nine weeks of life. He, along with his two sisters, was rescued by a family of good Samaritans from a ditch near a highway two Sundays ago. We have no idea how long these little warriors had been out there all on their own, but I am sure they had an excellent adventure. As you can see, he is clearly exhausted.Hoff’s two sisters found excellent homes, and I’d like to think he did too. He came to live with us last Saturday. We did not want a puppy, and it was understood that Hoff’s foster family would gladly take the cuddly pupster back if for some reason he did not like our home (aka – if we could not handle a puppy). But the moment I laid my eyes on the little guy, I knew he was ours to keep.


He is challenging for sure. As Ryan puts it, “pee just falls out of him”. He also has very smelly poop and I am going to have to get used to cleaning it from the yard. He howls at night at random times in the crate or if we leave him outside … or if we love the room – our vet says it is because he gets lonely. So, the last week has been full of sleepless nights, dozens of loads of laundry to clean up “pee” towels, chasing him down with a bottle of carpet cleaner behind him, stepping in the dog poop that is spread all across the yard, separating him and Lola when he invades her space … and more … but, he is worth it.


Yes, Lola is not his biggest fan, but we have no doubt, she will warm up to him soon. His charm is undeniable.


Right now, he lets you love him and hug him like a little baby and will fall asleep right in your arms!

He does not wiggle and try to get away – he loves to be loved and I LOVE! However, if you plan to come by and snuggle with the little fuzz-ball, you’d best do it now. We are not sure of his exact “breed mix”, but we are quite sure he is mostly Mastiff. That’s right, he is gonna be a big one!!!!! Look, he’s already the size of a four month old baby (who is the size of a six month old,.by the way).

Aunt Alexis and Hoff have playtime with Charles Madison (look at that doll-baby!) and his dad, Clark.

We love him! Please come by and hold him and rock him while you can. And don’t pay attention if the house smells like pee, Lola tries to go home with you, and me and Ryan take advantage of your visit to go take a nap/clean the house/shower – all the things that are tough to do with a new puppy around. If Hoff has taught us anything so far, it is that we are not totally ready to be parents of a newborn. He is training us to do that now.

I Get It

We have all heard the phrase "it is better to give than to receive". As a child, this fell on deaf ears. I thoroughly enjoyed running to the tree on Christmas morning and seeing the colorful piles of toys Santa had left JUST FOR ME! Giving my sister the thing-a-ma-jigee that my Mom actually bought for her, from me, did not exactly incite the same joy.


As I got older, I understood it more. I got more pleasure in finding that perfect gift for someone. It equaled, and sometimes surpassed, the excitement I got when opening my own packages.


But this Christmas, I really got it, thanks to *Vincent. Vincent is a first grader at a local Memphis school. It is one of the poorest schools in the city - I would venture to say that most, if not all, children who attend are below the poverty line. Through work, I got the chance to "adopt" him for Christmas. My first introduction to him was his letter to Santa:


"Dear Santa Claus,

I have been kind of nice. How are you and Ms. Claus?

I would like to have a hot wheel for Christmas. I need a new pair of shoes.

I would like to have some paper, pencils and a new folder.

I love you,

Vincent"



"Kind of Nice" he admits. So thoughtful of him to think of Ms. Claus. And his requests - a hot wheel? Hot wheels are 97 cents each! A new folder? I take for granted all the times I ripped my folder or, more than likely, lost it - and it was replaced during the next trip to the grocery store. That is not the kind of world Vincent lives in.


In a world of IPODs and Wiis and brand-name clothing and ... all of the other cool things many kids wish for at Christmas, this little boy wanted a pencil to take to school and just any old shoes to put on his feet.


Speaking of shoes, Vincent's teacher emailed us with another story. She wanted to thank the employee who'd done an early delivery to a little boy named *Cordell. Cordell was known as a tough kid - who rarely showed any sign of weakness or emotion. Cordell got a new pair of church shoes from his "secret santa". His teacher says he cried like a baby when he saw them - her "tough guy" reduced to tears at the sight of his new shoes. Cordell did not take his shoes off all day, and when it was time to change into his old shoes to go home, he rocked the church shoes like a baby before putting them back in the box.


Although their resources are slim and although they have no idea who I am - these first graders have truly given me the greatest gift I know I will receive this year - a huge lesson in gratitude and humility.


It is better to give than to receive - I really do get it now.

Meet my Santa Claus, *Vincent:

Lylas

True friendship = Pure joy. That will be the caption of the above photo. The emotion you see on those faces is genuine. From left to right you see Nikki, Sarah, me and Courtney. They were three of my best friends from high school and remain by three of my best friends today. I rarely feel as at peace as I am when with them. And I always get my ab work-out from the belly laughs.
We were all together to support Nikki’s big run the next day. She ran the whole 26.2 in the St. Jude marathon. I am so proud of her for running in those frigid temps and through the pain and never stopping. She says this will be her last one. For her body’s sake, I hope it is – but know that I will be cheering her on at that finish line (if I don’t miss her like I did this year:-)) if she decides to do it again. As much as I love carb-loading with her the night before and sipping pre-race coffee the next day, I hope she sticks to spinning!

The night before the race the girls also threw me a surprise post-wedding shower … complete with a wonderful wedding photo frame (it is huge and beautiful and has the sweetest message on it) and an apron with … something to go underneath.
You are my heart, girls! I love you!!!!!

More Wedding Pictures!

There Went the Bride

We were meant to be married 4/25/2009. I started this blog in February of this year intending to write all about the adventures and misadventures of planning a wedding ... all the ups and downs - mostly ups, I hoped. You notice this is the first entry? I'd watched dozens of friends plan amazing weddings and have fun doing it! I, unfortunately, was not one of those girls. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get into it. Believe me, I was excited to get married. And I was excited to have the reception for all of our loved ones. I was also excited about the parties leading up to the event and the pampering and planning the honeymoon ... but the money and the time and the decisions, I just could not get past it. Luckily, I didn't have to. Welcome to our wedding story.

It still feels like a dream … and it was. I just cannot believe it. One week ago, Ryan and I were a happily engaged couple. We sat at a bar in New Orleans, watching the Vols FINALLY win a game, and just chatting. I think we talked about our wedding – when to order invites, how to pay for said invites, how to pay for this shindig period! Caroline, my boss and dear friend, and her husband came to meet us. We had a great afternoon. More chatting. And then, a casual comment changed our lives … a little dramatic … it definitely changed our night! Caroline mentioned that if she had it to do over again, she would elope. Ross, her husband, agreed. The sequence and details of the next little bit is a bit of a blur. I do know that Caroline, the Ritz concierge and our Firm's NOLA office administrator, Anne, are the best wedding planners on the planet. In less than one hour, we had a reverend, violinist, photographer, and the courtyard at the Ritz-Carlton NOLA was reserved for 8:00 p.m. It was 5:00 p.m. I had three hours to get ready for my wedding. We did call our families first. Well, I called our families. Ryan said we could do it, but shouldn't tell anyone and still have a ceremony in April. "There is no 'freaking' way," I said. Well then, it was my job to call his Mom. He was sure she would not like this plan. Looking back, it is kind of odd how calm I was. For some reason, I was sure she would be okay with this. And she was. Tickled, I think is the right word. My Aunt was also surprised and excited. I called my Papa to tell him. That is the first time it hit me. He was so sweet and supportive. He asked me if I was sure. I told him I'd never been more sure, Ryan was it, and that my only regret was that he was not there to walk me down the aisle. Cue the tears. As if I had to console HIM, I assured him we would still have a big party in April to celebrate with everyone.

The families had been called, the "church" had been booked … now, what to wear, what to wear? I had failed to pack my wedding dress … seeing as how I did not realize I was getting married and all. But not to fear … Caroline and Harold Clarke would save the wedding day. Harold is a Jamaican born, New Orleans based dress designer. His dresses are on display in the front window of the Ritz. Since I started staying there for work in May, I have lovingly adored his designs – knowing there was no way I would ever be able to afford one. I had especially admired an emerald green strapless dress. It reminded me of Kiera Knightley in Atonement. And the fairytale unfolds ... at 5:15 sharp, I was standing in the Ritz lobby with the man himself, Harold Clarke. Caroline had already told him exactly which dress she had in mind. It was the one I had in mind, too. I pointed at the green dress. He smiled a big smile and unlocked the display case.

Harold and I walked … well, I sort of floated … through the Ritz Carlton to his shop which is right behind the hotel. I did not know what to say to Harold. What do you say to a stranger who has just helped your wildest dream come true … just because? He had nothing to gain. I know the paltry price I paid to rent his gown barely purchased a spool of his fancy thread. We talked about his life in Jamaica and the people he designed for and his wife, Iona. When we got to the shop, I met her. A ray of sunshine she was! She helped me put the dress on … I walked out into the shop I'd walked past a dozen times, admiring, dreaming … and stepped up to the mirror. Caroline was there, too. She had the look on her face that my aunt and Ryan's mom and Sarah had when I walked out in the "one" that day at Low's Bridal. It was the look that reaffirmed what I was thinking … this is perfect! It is emerald green … an emerald green wedding dress!!!! I knew the gods of the Southern Belles were surely frowning, but I didn't care.

When I finally snapped out of my green hazy daze, I realized my hair was a hot mess. I asked Caroline if she would please run across to my room and plug in my hot rollers. Surely those days of doing my hair for voice shows and pageants had groomed me well enough to whip something up for my wedding day. Harold overheard my request and … once again … shined his halo a bit and ran next door to ask the salon to stay open a little late. They obliged. He and Iona also plopped a perfect veil on my head they wanted me to borrow as well as a beautiful emerald and rhinestone necklace. I felt like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman on her way to the opera ... except I am not a prostitute and Ryan is not a gagillionaire and I was going to my wedding, not the opera. But I felt like a star!

Iona finished pinning me up in that emerald green dress … I slipped out of it so they could do the alterations, then ran next door and sat in the chair. A nice man was waiting with his hairspray and bobby pins. We'll call him Sean – because in all this chaos – I have forgotten his name! Diva was the owner of the salon. They, along with Antwon, became a big part of this story, too. While sitting in the chair, my phone was going crazy. Word within the family was starting to spread. And I was starting to freak the f$%^ out. Caroline ran next door and got me an emergency glass of champagne. Diva showed me her nerve-busting trick – the same one she used on her own wedding day (which was held in her living room, by the way, and then they had a Roaring 20s party to celebrate later). We ran in place for several minutes. It worked … that and the champagne. Caroline had also grabbed my makeup from my room (I have already told her that my first born will be immediately turned over to her – I owe her a lot!). I put my makeup on, pretty much like I do everyday. Ryan had always requested that I wear it just like I normally do. He was afraid of me not looking like me. And truthfully, if I had had the time and the peeps, fake eyelashes and red lipstick would have likely have been in the mix. I am telling you –this was all fate. Back to the beauty shop - Diva helped me with the blush. She noticed that I was a "pasty white girl" and spread that pink stuff on thick! They all helped me pick a lipstick. After one last look and spritz of hairspray , we went back to our Fairy Godmother and Father's place next door. The green dress was ready. Iona helped me slip it on. It fit like a very tight glove ... a very, very tight glove. She was sure to add a little extra "umph" in the bustier area. I once again walked into the showroom. I was wearing the second love of my life. Harold snapped some photos. Iona put the necklace around my neck. Some well-wishers poked their head in the shop to congratulate us. The magic was about to happen!

I have to tell this sidebar because it is one of my favorites of the day: during this whirlwind, Diva came in with the shoes she and Caroline and Antwon had bought at a stripper store near Bourbon Street. It was the only place open and the black heels Caroline was lending me were "not going to do" – according to Diva. Caroline walked in soon with a sparkly bangle bracelet, my garter, and some … stripper attire, let's say, for later on. I was ready to go!!!!!!!! I hope Caroline will add her details to this part. Hearing her tell the story is hilarious!

I hope I thanked Harold and Iona one hundred and fifty times, then I did walk out into a beautiful November night in New Orleans. Caroline was beside me. Antwon was carrying my train. We went up the elevator and into the lobby bar. I WAS ABOUT TO GET MARRIED!!!!!

I could see the courtyard from where I was standing. The Ritz manager approached me and Caroline. He'd made our bouquets! And they were gorgeous. Caroline walked out to take her place. The manager walked away, and there I was, all alone. And here is that word again, overwhelmed. I could not believe these people had done all of this for two strangers. And I could not believe that after three years and a ten month engagement, I was about to marry the one who has loved me best. I was finally going to be his wife. Tears rolled down my cheek. The manager came back to whisk me away to the service entrance to the courtyard. More tears came. But then it was time to dry it up. The Reverend's wife came back to gift me with a kerchief for my bouquet. She asked me about requests for the violinist. It would be Canon in D down the aisle, and the traditional "duhn, duhn duhn duhn duhn duhn duhn" at the end. Moments later, the door opened …


... but before I get to that part, I need to clue you in on what the groom was doing all this time! First of all, it is important to note that the groom (that would be Ryan) was a proponent of elopement from the beginning. He saw how much the whole wedding thing was stressing me out - and frankly it was therefore making his life a living hell - and just did not think it was worth it.

I am, of course, speaking for him ... so my dear husband, please feel free to add to this. I just did not see how we could PLAN an elopement and not hurt feelings. Would it JUST be us, would we include some family? How many people? Some friends? I cannot pick just a couple of friends! However, when the subject came up last Saturday in New Orleans, it made perfect sense.


As soon as we decided we were making it official, Ross and Ryan went off for an impromptu bachelor party while we went to find the dress. The boys went to a classy establishment on Bourbon where they met lots of new friends! They headed back to the Ritz around 7:00 to get dressed and ready. Just like my attire was such a big part of this story, so was his. A little background: I have always had quite the obsession with seer sucker. Ryan shares that love ... and perhaps our love of this light-weight, preppy fabric is one of the many things that brought us together. We knew when we decided on an April wedding in Memphis, seer sucker was not an option. It just isn't hot enough yet! So, we were both to settle on khaki or navy suits. That is until 11/22/08 when we decided to get married at the Ritz-Carlton. You see, at the Ritz in NOLA, the employees wear fabulous seer sucker suits ALL YEAR ROUND!!! Now, while Caroline and I reminded them the day we checked in that it was past seer-sucker time according to the rules, I was more than tickled when it was decided Ryan would wear one of their suits! He called in his measurements, and Katie, another of our angels, brought the crisp get-up to his room. Ryan tells me he had a few moments while sitting in the room realizing: this was it! He was about to be married. I think now what a feeling that must be for a man ... when he "takes a wife", it seems that he is taking on more than just a partner. Suddenly, he is provider, mate, future father ... all those things rolled into one. It just seems to hold a lot more weight, somehow. I know this makes no sense. Suffice it to say I am just glad he chose me.

And as I walked onto the rose-sprinkled red carpet to Canon in D, he was honestly the only person I saw. I am not lying when I say I did not know there were guests at our wedding until it was over. I cannot really recall the next few minutes of the ceremony. The only things I do remember: crying as I walked out, then laughing hysterically as I stood in front of Ryan. I went from sentimental and sappy to blown away that this was really happening. Ryan shook me out of my giggles by murmuring "stop laughing" between his pressed lips. Doh! Called out by my soon-to-be husband ... who laughs at everything! When the "I dos" began, I did not have to be reminded of how serious this was. I often wondered if I'd be able to stare him straight in the eyes the entire time, or if I'd have to nervously look away. I don't think I looked away once. I wanted that moment to last forever and ever. The pictures help me remember the next few moments ... we kissed. I did not want it to be a sloppy tonguey kiss, so I think I stood two feet away from him and stooped over to smooch him. He then pulled me a little closer and gave me a real one. It is my favorite picture - me in his passionate embrace - Caroline, Ross and Reverend Tony stand in the back, laughing their asses off ... and we make out just like we did that first night we met when we sufficiently grossed out everyone around us with our serious rounds of tonsil hockey. I loved it!

We did get a taste of what I assume bride and groom's deal with after the ceremony. Even then I did not get a glimpse at our guests. The Reverend and his photographer-wife swooped us away and snapped away. We took photos sipping champagne, feeding each other cake ... even the prom pose! Then, Reverend Tony sat us down with a slice of cake for our post-wedding, "pre-marital" counseling - there was really no time beforehand. He said we should begin each day with a kiss. We are ahead of the game, I suppose. He also gave us his card told us to call him anytime, day or night, if we ever needed anything. He said he'd been woken up more than once by feuding brides or grooms. I don't know that Ryan or I will be racing to the phone to call Rev Tone, but I thought it was so nice and reverendly of him to offer.

Then, it was time to toast our guests, which included Diva, Antwon and "Sean" from the salon, a couple who was celebrating their 11th wedding anniversary (they cried at the wedding), the entire night staff of the Ritz and a couple of people who were staying at the hotel for the LSU/Ole Miss game. It was such a trip to get to chat with them and drink champagne with them ... again, our night of stranger bonds continues. Then I went up to change out of my gown ... Cinderella had to turn back into "Cinderelly" eventually. But the night was not over yet!!!! We all met back in the courtyard. It was completely cleared out ... no one would have known that our dream wedding had just happened moments ago! We chatted and had a cocktail with Ross and Caroline. The four of us didn't know each other all that well as couples before this weekend began ... now, we would forever be bonded by one crazy weekend in NOLA!

It was then time for the after party. We went to visit the establishment Ryan and Ross had went to earlier. Their friends they had met wanted to meet us. After a short stay there, we went to The Saloon ... the best karaoke bar on Bourbon, by the way. I serenaded my new husband with the song I first sang for him in a karaoke bar - "At Last". This one was the Celine Dion version, not the Etta James version, and therefore not quite as pretty ... oh, and my fly was unzipped the entire time. Other than that, it was perfect. Really. We sang a little more ... me and Caroline dueted "Living on a Prayer". Isn't that what all marriages are about after all? :-)

Alas, it had been a very long day. It was time to go home. We trudged back to the hotel. By this time, Ryan had a garter around his head. I am guessing it was mine. We said goodnight to our new best friends/matron of honor and best man and went to our room. And wow. Wow. I know, I know ... they do rose petal turn down for all newlyweds. It is not like we were special. But it sure felt that way. People who did not know us had gone out of their way, like MILES out of their way, to make this the most amazing night of our lives. They'd even given us a gift, a blue glass Fleur-de-Lis, and a hand-written note. I stared at the little mat beside our bed with rose petals strewn over it and a pair of white waffled slippers and just cried, and cried and cried. My sweet new husband hugged me. Without asking, he knew exactly why I was crying. He wiped the tears from my face and said the sweetest things to me I'd truly ever heard. Before, I'd always sort of cringed when people would say "I am the luckiest girl on Earth". Because really, you're not. That woman who won the lottery twice in a row likely has you beat, in the technical sense. But at that moment, I truly felt like her - the luckiest woman on Earth.

Since that night more than one week ago, I feel like I love him even more. Yes, the fairytale is over ... we've already had our first married fight. Okay, our second. And I know that there will be more. And that's okay. We're both tough. We love each other. We can do this. And if we ever start to forget how meant to be this union truly is, you can find us in New Orleans.

***Check out Harold's designs. A true artist!

http://www.haroldclarke.com/

***Tell the Ritz you love our story!

http://www.ritzcarlton.com/en/Properties/NewOrleans/Contact/Default.htm