Evaline at two days old getting ready to leave the hospital.
I guess I started labor the day before - and I say "I guess" because I did not know I was in labor. I really think I was in denial and was convinced she'd be a 42 weeker. I ran lots of errands that day and cooked dinner and went about my day and night. My contractions did not become consistent until around 2:00 a.m. I'd moved to the other room at this point because I was restless and did not want to disturb Ryan. Around 2, I got up to walk around. Ryan got up when he heard me stirring but I told him to go back to bed - that if this was the real thing we had a lot of time and he should get his rest because it might be a long day. Boy, was I wrong! Time was something we did not have. Around 3 I got into the bathtub because I figured this would relax me and the contractions would stop if this was just a dress rehearsal. By 3:15 I was doubled over in pain and yelling Ryan's name. He had no idea where I was so he went running through the house before coming back to our master bath where he found me, hunched over in the tub with tears streaming and what I can only imagine was a terrified/excited look as I said "I think this is it." I was overjoyed - and scared to death. The rest of the story is a bit of a blur as my contractions were coming with less than a minute between them. Ryan called our doula, MB. He tried to finish packing the bags we both thought we had plenty of days left to pack - in between helping me through contractions. I ALMOST wish I had a video recording of all of this chaos, but with the disheveled and immodest state I was in, am glad there was no recording device to speak of.
We'd planned to labor at home for as long as possible, but once MB arrived, it was clear the hospital was the place to be - NOW. Our pups, Hoff and Lola, were hysterical as Ryan ran around throwing stuff into bags. They were trying to tend to me and trying to fend off this strange woman in our house - because clearly she was the one making me yell in agony. :-) Somehow, I made it into the car. I remember asking MB and Ryan if I could pee in the car. I didn't, but that shows how modesty and reason was completely lost on me at this point. After hitting construction traffic (YES! at 5:00 a.m.), we made it to the hospital with little time to spare. Once I made it into triage, I was fully dilated. They rushed me to the labor and delivery room where I labored for just a little while. MB and Ryan worked as a wonderful team in getting me to focus on the goal at hand. She coaching me to bring my high-pitched wails to a lower, more gutteral and productive sound - and he constantly rubbing my forehead with ice and wet cloths. Through the contractions, I would just give into the pain - and in between them, I floated to a dreamlike state. I felt so relaxed and peaceful in between those body-writhing sensations. Before long, little Evaline's heart rate began to dip, so Dr. Tonkin (whom I'd never met before - but LOVE her!) decided it was time to push. That's a good thing since my body was doing that anyway. This push part was the kicker. We women should all be in some kind of hall of fame or be awarded with a medal of some sort for this part. It was the only time I uttered the words, "I don't think I can do this." Well, you really have no choice - that baby is not staying in there forever. But, I pushed through. Although my mind was somewhere else, I do remember the cheering section around me. There was one nurse who really sticks out. She only came in during this last part and I never got her name, but she cheered me on like she was a lifelong Yankees fan at her first game. In fact, the whole team surrounding me made me feel like I was doing something for them by pushing this baby out - in a good way. When little E's head started to appear, MB asked if I wanted to see with the mirror she was holding up. I couldn't - only because I could not break my focus. I just kept imagining our little girl doing all she could to get out of there and my job was to help her out. This was our first tandem event. It seemed like a couple of minutes passed by when suddenly, this little pale, slimy thing was being placed on my chest. I was in disbelief. All I could say while looking down at her wide eyes and up at Ryan's wide eyes was, "It's my baby. It's our baby! She's here." What a feeling. An indescribable one.
We'd planned to labor at home for as long as possible, but once MB arrived, it was clear the hospital was the place to be - NOW. Our pups, Hoff and Lola, were hysterical as Ryan ran around throwing stuff into bags. They were trying to tend to me and trying to fend off this strange woman in our house - because clearly she was the one making me yell in agony. :-) Somehow, I made it into the car. I remember asking MB and Ryan if I could pee in the car. I didn't, but that shows how modesty and reason was completely lost on me at this point. After hitting construction traffic (YES! at 5:00 a.m.), we made it to the hospital with little time to spare. Once I made it into triage, I was fully dilated. They rushed me to the labor and delivery room where I labored for just a little while. MB and Ryan worked as a wonderful team in getting me to focus on the goal at hand. She coaching me to bring my high-pitched wails to a lower, more gutteral and productive sound - and he constantly rubbing my forehead with ice and wet cloths. Through the contractions, I would just give into the pain - and in between them, I floated to a dreamlike state. I felt so relaxed and peaceful in between those body-writhing sensations. Before long, little Evaline's heart rate began to dip, so Dr. Tonkin (whom I'd never met before - but LOVE her!) decided it was time to push. That's a good thing since my body was doing that anyway. This push part was the kicker. We women should all be in some kind of hall of fame or be awarded with a medal of some sort for this part. It was the only time I uttered the words, "I don't think I can do this." Well, you really have no choice - that baby is not staying in there forever. But, I pushed through. Although my mind was somewhere else, I do remember the cheering section around me. There was one nurse who really sticks out. She only came in during this last part and I never got her name, but she cheered me on like she was a lifelong Yankees fan at her first game. In fact, the whole team surrounding me made me feel like I was doing something for them by pushing this baby out - in a good way. When little E's head started to appear, MB asked if I wanted to see with the mirror she was holding up. I couldn't - only because I could not break my focus. I just kept imagining our little girl doing all she could to get out of there and my job was to help her out. This was our first tandem event. It seemed like a couple of minutes passed by when suddenly, this little pale, slimy thing was being placed on my chest. I was in disbelief. All I could say while looking down at her wide eyes and up at Ryan's wide eyes was, "It's my baby. It's our baby! She's here." What a feeling. An indescribable one.
During our first moments together.
There's so much more to say about the experience of becoming parents - or becoming a family - and the overwhelming love and emotions that come along with it - but there are almost no words. In that moment, my love for not only this baby grew, but my love for my husband and my love for the world - a compassion bigger than anything I'd ever known settled over me. My heart was so full.
Evaline, two days old. Daddy, sleep deprived in the hospital, admiring his baby girl.
To go back to a previous post, we did do it all with no drugs. It's a good thing we prepared for that because I am not sure there would have been time for that. It did not all go as planned -only because it went a lot faster than planned (that's a good thing, right?) but it was our perfect birth.
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