Since being at home with Evaline for the past four weeks, there are certain truths I have come to realize about being here with an infant all day and all night.
1. It's easier to be naked. All day and all night. And clearly, having just birthed a baby, this has nothing to do with my libido or pride in my not rockhard body. Between breast feeding and being pooped on, going bare is just easier than 14 costume changes per day. We've been leaving the windows open and blinds up to let the wonderful Fall air come in these days, so I have to be strategic about which windows I pass.
2. I've become far too intimate with TV commercials. I know every commercial jingle on the air right now and if I had to name my top ten favorite songs, a couple of those jingles might make the list.
3. I'll never think of being a stay at home mom the same way again. While pregnant with Evaline I told Ryan we may need to seriously look at our plan and financial outlook because I had a feeling I might want to reconsider going back to work. While I would not trade these weeks at home with this baby and would love to have a few more than the three months I am taking, I now know going back to work is the best decision for all of us. Staying home with her is more challenging than I ever imagined (also more rewarding) and I really do have a new-found respect for those who do it.
4. I will not ever get done all of the things I planned to do. Before Evaline, I imagined that during my maternity leave I would have all of this leisure time to do many of the things I neglected to do while keeping up with hectic work and social schedules. I was going to learn to play guitar, write or blog everyday, clean out & organize every closet, hold a garage sale, host a sip & see for folks to meet E, host a party for my childbirth class, have birth announcements out by month one - and more (yes more). I also told the cleaning lady I wouldn't be needing her much for the next three months since I'd be staying home. She, having three kids, looked at me with pity in her eyes as if to say, "Oh honey. You really have no idea what you've gotten yourself into, do you?"
I wish I had a number 5 right now because I just like a list of 5 better than a list of 4, but I don't want to force myself to make something up. These flowed out of me like water because they are true. I know a #5 and beyond will come to me soon.
{5 minutes later after a Facebook break}
5. If I stayed at home, my family might be in the red. If I "like" one more cute kid's clothes/monogramming business on Facebook, I will have more retails friends than real people friends. I am addicted - my heart races when I see that a new cute outfit/applique/squeaky shoe is posted. I have been able to refrain from buying much, but that is only because I really don't know how clothes will fit her as she grows so don't know what sizes to buy. Once I know her growth track a little better, and if I were still sitting here browsing between her naps, it could get ugly. I also try to get out once every other day with her, which typically indicates going to some type of retail establishment and buying something. I need to go to more museums.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Since I've Been Born ...
(One week 0ld)I've spent a lot of time outside. It relaxes me and I love looking up at the sunshine, or at night, looking up at the lights on the deck.
(Three Weeks Old)
Here I am about to go on my first walk in the awesome BOB stroller my friend Charlie loaned me. I loved the walk so much I slept right through it. I told you the outdoors relaxes me.
(Three weeks old)
It can be exhausting but I LOVE to cheer on the Vols with my Daddy. This picture was taken on the 2nd football Saturday. Our friends came to watch the game and I loved them "ooing" and "awing" over me. Go vols!
(3.5 weeks old)Hoff is my best friend. Lola, too - but Hoff is more comfy to lay on. He loves me so much that he barks his head off at anyone who comes near me. I love my new family!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Ten Years Since 9/11
Where were you? I was watching the Today show and getting ready for work as a reporter at WBBJ in Jackson, Tennessee. It felt surreal to watch the news unfold and so unnerving to hear the horror and disbelief in the anchors' voices as they watched these unbelievable events unfold right along with us. My assignment at work that day took me to a college campus where young students were suddenly contemplating a different kind of future - one that likely involved our nation at war. Next, the news photographer and I went to an electronics store where every TV was tuned to news coverage. No sets were being sold but the store was packed with people with their eyes glued. I ended the day at a blood donation center where volunteers were showing up in record numbers. People wanted to do something - ANYTHING. But the memory that stands out the most is standing in the middle of the town square where it appeared to be a regular workday - dozens of people walking from here to there. Cars circling the courthouse looking for a parking spot. But if you closed your eyes and just listened, you could hear the impact of the day's events. Dead silence. No one was saying a word - no one! All you could hear was news coverage coming from car radios. Blank looks covered every face.
There were no skyscrapers in Jackson, Tennessee. Most people I talked to that day had never been to New York City - some had never flown. But even in Small Town U.S.A., tears were shed, hearts were heavy, and lives were forever changed. No one felt like a stranger that day. It dawned on me then and I still think today that those terrorists may have destroyed buildings, but they instantly built a stronger nation.
There were no skyscrapers in Jackson, Tennessee. Most people I talked to that day had never been to New York City - some had never flown. But even in Small Town U.S.A., tears were shed, hearts were heavy, and lives were forever changed. No one felt like a stranger that day. It dawned on me then and I still think today that those terrorists may have destroyed buildings, but they instantly built a stronger nation.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Evaline's Fast and Furious Arrival
She's here. Sweet Evaline Ross McKee joined us at 7:57 a.m. on Friday, August 19th - one day after her due date. She was 8 lbs, 13 ozs, 21.5 inches.
Evaline at two days old getting ready to leave the hospital.
I guess I started labor the day before - and I say "I guess" because I did not know I was in labor. I really think I was in denial and was convinced she'd be a 42 weeker. I ran lots of errands that day and cooked dinner and went about my day and night. My contractions did not become consistent until around 2:00 a.m. I'd moved to the other room at this point because I was restless and did not want to disturb Ryan. Around 2, I got up to walk around. Ryan got up when he heard me stirring but I told him to go back to bed - that if this was the real thing we had a lot of time and he should get his rest because it might be a long day. Boy, was I wrong! Time was something we did not have. Around 3 I got into the bathtub because I figured this would relax me and the contractions would stop if this was just a dress rehearsal. By 3:15 I was doubled over in pain and yelling Ryan's name. He had no idea where I was so he went running through the house before coming back to our master bath where he found me, hunched over in the tub with tears streaming and what I can only imagine was a terrified/excited look as I said "I think this is it." I was overjoyed - and scared to death. The rest of the story is a bit of a blur as my contractions were coming with less than a minute between them. Ryan called our doula, MB. He tried to finish packing the bags we both thought we had plenty of days left to pack - in between helping me through contractions. I ALMOST wish I had a video recording of all of this chaos, but with the disheveled and immodest state I was in, am glad there was no recording device to speak of.
We'd planned to labor at home for as long as possible, but once MB arrived, it was clear the hospital was the place to be - NOW. Our pups, Hoff and Lola, were hysterical as Ryan ran around throwing stuff into bags. They were trying to tend to me and trying to fend off this strange woman in our house - because clearly she was the one making me yell in agony. :-) Somehow, I made it into the car. I remember asking MB and Ryan if I could pee in the car. I didn't, but that shows how modesty and reason was completely lost on me at this point. After hitting construction traffic (YES! at 5:00 a.m.), we made it to the hospital with little time to spare. Once I made it into triage, I was fully dilated. They rushed me to the labor and delivery room where I labored for just a little while. MB and Ryan worked as a wonderful team in getting me to focus on the goal at hand. She coaching me to bring my high-pitched wails to a lower, more gutteral and productive sound - and he constantly rubbing my forehead with ice and wet cloths. Through the contractions, I would just give into the pain - and in between them, I floated to a dreamlike state. I felt so relaxed and peaceful in between those body-writhing sensations. Before long, little Evaline's heart rate began to dip, so Dr. Tonkin (whom I'd never met before - but LOVE her!) decided it was time to push. That's a good thing since my body was doing that anyway. This push part was the kicker. We women should all be in some kind of hall of fame or be awarded with a medal of some sort for this part. It was the only time I uttered the words, "I don't think I can do this." Well, you really have no choice - that baby is not staying in there forever. But, I pushed through. Although my mind was somewhere else, I do remember the cheering section around me. There was one nurse who really sticks out. She only came in during this last part and I never got her name, but she cheered me on like she was a lifelong Yankees fan at her first game. In fact, the whole team surrounding me made me feel like I was doing something for them by pushing this baby out - in a good way. When little E's head started to appear, MB asked if I wanted to see with the mirror she was holding up. I couldn't - only because I could not break my focus. I just kept imagining our little girl doing all she could to get out of there and my job was to help her out. This was our first tandem event. It seemed like a couple of minutes passed by when suddenly, this little pale, slimy thing was being placed on my chest. I was in disbelief. All I could say while looking down at her wide eyes and up at Ryan's wide eyes was, "It's my baby. It's our baby! She's here." What a feeling. An indescribable one.
We'd planned to labor at home for as long as possible, but once MB arrived, it was clear the hospital was the place to be - NOW. Our pups, Hoff and Lola, were hysterical as Ryan ran around throwing stuff into bags. They were trying to tend to me and trying to fend off this strange woman in our house - because clearly she was the one making me yell in agony. :-) Somehow, I made it into the car. I remember asking MB and Ryan if I could pee in the car. I didn't, but that shows how modesty and reason was completely lost on me at this point. After hitting construction traffic (YES! at 5:00 a.m.), we made it to the hospital with little time to spare. Once I made it into triage, I was fully dilated. They rushed me to the labor and delivery room where I labored for just a little while. MB and Ryan worked as a wonderful team in getting me to focus on the goal at hand. She coaching me to bring my high-pitched wails to a lower, more gutteral and productive sound - and he constantly rubbing my forehead with ice and wet cloths. Through the contractions, I would just give into the pain - and in between them, I floated to a dreamlike state. I felt so relaxed and peaceful in between those body-writhing sensations. Before long, little Evaline's heart rate began to dip, so Dr. Tonkin (whom I'd never met before - but LOVE her!) decided it was time to push. That's a good thing since my body was doing that anyway. This push part was the kicker. We women should all be in some kind of hall of fame or be awarded with a medal of some sort for this part. It was the only time I uttered the words, "I don't think I can do this." Well, you really have no choice - that baby is not staying in there forever. But, I pushed through. Although my mind was somewhere else, I do remember the cheering section around me. There was one nurse who really sticks out. She only came in during this last part and I never got her name, but she cheered me on like she was a lifelong Yankees fan at her first game. In fact, the whole team surrounding me made me feel like I was doing something for them by pushing this baby out - in a good way. When little E's head started to appear, MB asked if I wanted to see with the mirror she was holding up. I couldn't - only because I could not break my focus. I just kept imagining our little girl doing all she could to get out of there and my job was to help her out. This was our first tandem event. It seemed like a couple of minutes passed by when suddenly, this little pale, slimy thing was being placed on my chest. I was in disbelief. All I could say while looking down at her wide eyes and up at Ryan's wide eyes was, "It's my baby. It's our baby! She's here." What a feeling. An indescribable one.
During our first moments together.
There's so much more to say about the experience of becoming parents - or becoming a family - and the overwhelming love and emotions that come along with it - but there are almost no words. In that moment, my love for not only this baby grew, but my love for my husband and my love for the world - a compassion bigger than anything I'd ever known settled over me. My heart was so full.
Evaline, two days old. Daddy, sleep deprived in the hospital, admiring his baby girl.
To go back to a previous post, we did do it all with no drugs. It's a good thing we prepared for that because I am not sure there would have been time for that. It did not all go as planned -only because it went a lot faster than planned (that's a good thing, right?) but it was our perfect birth.
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