Surprise!

The code and format on this blog is jacked up, so I'm working on it. If anyone reads this and has any tips, let me know!

Speaking of Jack, I didn't know it at the time but I was pregnant with him when I published the previous post. I found out a few days later. I am 21 weeks now and he is scheduled to make his arrival on May 30. Jack ____ McKee. Right now, I think it is down to Jack Nelson (after Willie  Nelson), Jack Thomas (after Papa) and Jack William (after cousin Willie).

To say we were surprised is an understatement. And to say I never thought that previous statement would come out of my brain is - well, not an understatement, that is true. I have been humbled - when people would say, "It was an accident!" in the past, I would think to myself, "Uh, they know how to get pregnant and how not to get pregnant. There are no accidents." Well, without going into detail, there are - it happened to us.

So yes, we were surprised, but are now so very enamored with the little boy growing inside of me. I feel him kick now, and each time it reminds me to soak this up (we aren't planning another pregnancy). I can't imagine a little boy -- I've only known little girls -- but I am certain I will learn and love being a boy mama.

Parenting sure is more challenging and more rewarding than I ever imagined.

Evaline Ross is One

What Evaline has taught me during year one.

Slow down. A little ironic seeing that sometimes life seems so "sped up." Time flashes by. Many mornings, we hurry out anxious to make it to school for her 8:30 breakfast time. However, I find myself taking a longer route home so we can "talk" a little longer. Instead of springing out of bed to grab coffee and get my day started, I linger in the morning while she drinks her morning bottle so I can nuzzle her and hug her and lock eyes, too. My slowing down moments may also explain my subsequent rush out the door. But that's okay. I'll steal these moments as much as I can. And that's what I'm doing really, isn't it? Stealing them? They aren't mine to keep.

Enjoy the little things. That's so cliché it makes me ill, but it's also so very true. Instead of viewing them as a time-sucking nuisance all the time, I like trips to the grocery store -- she adores riding in the cart and making eyes at strangers. And I love watching her do things she loves. I love long walks to nowhere because she does.

Motherhood must be where clichés were born. "Time flies." "They'll be grown before you know it." And more I just cannot think of right now. They are all true. All of them. Sometimes I wish I'd listened to moms before I was one -- but there's just no way you can grasp motherhood until you are a mother. (Another cliché, I believe).

She's taught me more. Much more. I'd spend too much time not soaking her up if I were to sit and write out all of it. The love I have for her is a fierce love. It even hurts sometimes and makes me scared. But it is a true love. An unconditional love. A love that now will go on with time. She is my legacy and I am her roots.

She's Blooming!

Miss Evaline is two and half months old. She smiles. She coos. She steals more of our hearts every day. She loves her paci and her thumb equally.

As you can see in the photo above, she's a long one! At her two month check up, she was in the 97th percentile for both height and weight, meaning she is taller and heavier than 97% of other little ones her age. She was 12.4 ozs and 24.5 inches long. She's too long for most three month outfits and is already sporting six month attire. They are a little loose on her but at least cover her long legs!

Aside from growing, she also spends her time staring at the mobiles above her changing table and in her crib. She's lifting her head like a champ. She's also spent a lot of time watching UT football with Dad.

Two months old, cheering on the Vols with Dad and Mr. Brian

She's seen her Noni and Poppy at least once a week. I think she is as in love with them as they are with her.




She's had an exciting couple of months. She got to meet her cousins George and Lily. I see a lot of fun and mischief in their futures. She also got to meet Aunt Alicia and Uncle Dale - we were so fortunate to spend Aunt Alicia's birthday with her! Evy also met Papa Tom who has nicknamed her "Gorgeous." She really lucked out with that nickname. I was branded "Miss Priss." :-) Mimi and Papa also met her and we so enjoyed visiting with them. And Cousin Willie just adores his Cousin Evaline. He loved holding her and talking to her and singing to her. He said, "She's pretty just like her Mama." (Awww.) To which Papa Tom promptly said, "No, Willie. She's prettier than her Mama." Oh, Papa - as Willie would say.

She loves her daddy so very much. It's hard to tell who she looks like. Sometimes, she is my mirror image. I think it's the eyes. Other times, she makes faces that are her dad, for sure.

Time - it's ticking away. It flies. It goes by way too fast. I now understand every cliche I've ever heard about time. I can hardly believe nearly three months have passed since Evaline was born. And yet, it seems like forever ago that we were a family of two. My maternity leave ends the week of Thanksgiving and I can feel the walls closing in. I had a bit of a meltdown last week about "leaving her" but am now just focusing on taking in every moment. I know that going back to work is the best thing for our family - and that she will always be loved and she will be cared for whether I am in her face 20 hours a day or not. Although it will be really tough to go back, I am actually looking forward to getting back into a routine and seeing all of my work family. There is one thing I know it won't change: I'll continue to fall in love with her more and more everyday. My sweet Evaline. As I type she is quietly cooing in her crib just waiting for someone to come get her - so better run!

We LOVE taking walks! Sometimes we walk with our friends, Dena, Maria, Renee and Charlie. We walked with Ava and Tran this week. And sometimes, it's just Mommy and me. Although a summer pregnancy was tough, this is the best time to have a newborn. The weather is perfect for going outside.

This Much I Know: SAHM Edition

Since being at home with Evaline for the past four weeks, there are certain truths I have come to realize about being here with an infant all day and all night.

1. It's easier to be naked. All day and all night. And clearly, having just birthed a baby, this has nothing to do with my libido or pride in my not rockhard body. Between breast feeding and being pooped on, going bare is just easier than 14 costume changes per day. We've been leaving the windows open and blinds up to let the wonderful Fall air come in these days, so I have to be strategic about which windows I pass.

2. I've become far too intimate with TV commercials. I know every commercial jingle on the air right now and if I had to name my top ten favorite songs, a couple of those jingles might make the list.

3. I'll never think of being a stay at home mom the same way again. While pregnant with Evaline I told Ryan we may need to seriously look at our plan and financial outlook because I had a feeling I might want to reconsider going back to work. While I would not trade these weeks at home with this baby and would love to have a few more than the three months I am taking, I now know going back to work is the best decision for all of us. Staying home with her is more challenging than I ever imagined (also more rewarding) and I really do have a new-found respect for those who do it.

4. I will not ever get done all of the things I planned to do. Before Evaline, I imagined that during my maternity leave I would have all of this leisure time to do many of the things I neglected to do while keeping up with hectic work and social schedules. I was going to learn to play guitar, write or blog everyday, clean out & organize every closet, hold a garage sale, host a sip & see for folks to meet E, host a party for my childbirth class, have birth announcements out by month one - and more (yes more). I also told the cleaning lady I wouldn't be needing her much for the next three months since I'd be staying home. She, having three kids, looked at me with pity in her eyes as if to say, "Oh honey. You really have no idea what you've gotten yourself into, do you?"

I wish I had a number 5 right now because I just like a list of 5 better than a list of 4, but I don't want to force myself to make something up. These flowed out of me like water because they are true. I know a #5 and beyond will come to me soon.

{5 minutes later after a Facebook break}

5. If I stayed at home, my family might be in the red. If I "like" one more cute kid's clothes/monogramming business on Facebook, I will have more retails friends than real people friends. I am addicted - my heart races when I see that a new cute outfit/applique/squeaky shoe is posted. I have been able to refrain from buying much, but that is only because I really don't know how clothes will fit her as she grows so don't know what sizes to buy. Once I know her growth track a little better, and if I were still sitting here browsing between her naps, it could get ugly. I also try to get out once every other day with her, which typically indicates going to some type of retail establishment and buying something. I need to go to more museums.

Since I've Been Born ...

(One week 0ld)

I've spent a lot of time outside. It relaxes me and I love looking up at the sunshine, or at night, looking up at the lights on the deck.

(Three Weeks Old)
Here I am about to go on my first walk in the awesome BOB stroller my friend Charlie loaned me. I loved the walk so much I slept right through it. I told you the outdoors relaxes me.

(Three weeks old)
It can be exhausting but I LOVE to cheer on the Vols with my Daddy. This picture was taken on the 2nd football Saturday. Our friends came to watch the game and I loved them "ooing" and "awing" over me. Go vols!

(3.5 weeks old)

Hoff is my best friend. Lola, too - but Hoff is more comfy to lay on. He loves me so much that he barks his head off at anyone who comes near me. I love my new family!

Ten Years Since 9/11

Where were you? I was watching the Today show and getting ready for work as a reporter at WBBJ in Jackson, Tennessee. It felt surreal to watch the news unfold and so unnerving to hear the horror and disbelief in the anchors' voices as they watched these unbelievable events unfold right along with us. My assignment at work that day took me to a college campus where young students were suddenly contemplating a different kind of future - one that likely involved our nation at war. Next, the news photographer and I went to an electronics store where every TV was tuned to news coverage. No sets were being sold but the store was packed with people with their eyes glued. I ended the day at a blood donation center where volunteers were showing up in record numbers. People wanted to do something - ANYTHING. But the memory that stands out the most is standing in the middle of the town square where it appeared to be a regular workday - dozens of people walking from here to there. Cars circling the courthouse looking for a parking spot. But if you closed your eyes and just listened, you could hear the impact of the day's events. Dead silence. No one was saying a word - no one! All you could hear was news coverage coming from car radios. Blank looks covered every face.
There were no skyscrapers in Jackson, Tennessee. Most people I talked to that day had never been to New York City - some had never flown. But even in Small Town U.S.A., tears were shed, hearts were heavy, and lives were forever changed. No one felt like a stranger that day. It dawned on me then and I still think today that those terrorists may have destroyed buildings, but they instantly built a stronger nation.

Evaline's Fast and Furious Arrival

She's here. Sweet Evaline Ross McKee joined us at 7:57 a.m. on Friday, August 19th - one day after her due date. She was 8 lbs, 13 ozs, 21.5 inches.

Evaline at two days old getting ready to leave the hospital.

I guess I started labor the day before - and I say "I guess" because I did not know I was in labor. I really think I was in denial and was convinced she'd be a 42 weeker. I ran lots of errands that day and cooked dinner and went about my day and night. My contractions did not become consistent until around 2:00 a.m. I'd moved to the other room at this point because I was restless and did not want to disturb Ryan. Around 2, I got up to walk around. Ryan got up when he heard me stirring but I told him to go back to bed - that if this was the real thing we had a lot of time and he should get his rest because it might be a long day. Boy, was I wrong! Time was something we did not have. Around 3 I got into the bathtub because I figured this would relax me and the contractions would stop if this was just a dress rehearsal. By 3:15 I was doubled over in pain and yelling Ryan's name. He had no idea where I was so he went running through the house before coming back to our master bath where he found me, hunched over in the tub with tears streaming and what I can only imagine was a terrified/excited look as I said "I think this is it." I was overjoyed - and scared to death. The rest of the story is a bit of a blur as my contractions were coming with less than a minute between them. Ryan called our doula, MB. He tried to finish packing the bags we both thought we had plenty of days left to pack - in between helping me through contractions. I ALMOST wish I had a video recording of all of this chaos, but with the disheveled and immodest state I was in, am glad there was no recording device to speak of.

We'd planned to labor at home for as long as possible, but once MB arrived, it was clear the hospital was the place to be - NOW. Our pups, Hoff and Lola, were hysterical as Ryan ran around throwing stuff into bags. They were trying to tend to me and trying to fend off this strange woman in our house - because clearly she was the one making me yell in agony. :-) Somehow, I made it into the car. I remember asking MB and Ryan if I could pee in the car. I didn't, but that shows how modesty and reason was completely lost on me at this point. After hitting construction traffic (YES! at 5:00 a.m.), we made it to the hospital with little time to spare. Once I made it into triage, I was fully dilated. They rushed me to the labor and delivery room where I labored for just a little while. MB and Ryan worked as a wonderful team in getting me to focus on the goal at hand. She coaching me to bring my high-pitched wails to a lower, more gutteral and productive sound - and he constantly rubbing my forehead with ice and wet cloths. Through the contractions, I would just give into the pain - and in between them, I floated to a dreamlike state. I felt so relaxed and peaceful in between those body-writhing sensations. Before long, little Evaline's heart rate began to dip, so Dr. Tonkin (whom I'd never met before - but LOVE her!) decided it was time to push. That's a good thing since my body was doing that anyway. This push part was the kicker. We women should all be in some kind of hall of fame or be awarded with a medal of some sort for this part. It was the only time I uttered the words, "I don't think I can do this." Well, you really have no choice - that baby is not staying in there forever. But, I pushed through. Although my mind was somewhere else, I do remember the cheering section around me. There was one nurse who really sticks out. She only came in during this last part and I never got her name, but she cheered me on like she was a lifelong Yankees fan at her first game. In fact, the whole team surrounding me made me feel like I was doing something for them by pushing this baby out - in a good way. When little E's head started to appear, MB asked if I wanted to see with the mirror she was holding up. I couldn't - only because I could not break my focus. I just kept imagining our little girl doing all she could to get out of there and my job was to help her out. This was our first tandem event. It seemed like a couple of minutes passed by when suddenly, this little pale, slimy thing was being placed on my chest. I was in disbelief. All I could say while looking down at her wide eyes and up at Ryan's wide eyes was, "It's my baby. It's our baby! She's here." What a feeling. An indescribable one.

During our first moments together.

There's so much more to say about the experience of becoming parents - or becoming a family - and the overwhelming love and emotions that come along with it - but there are almost no words. In that moment, my love for not only this baby grew, but my love for my husband and my love for the world - a compassion bigger than anything I'd ever known settled over me. My heart was so full.

Evaline, two days old. Daddy, sleep deprived in the hospital, admiring his baby girl.

To go back to a previous post, we did do it all with no drugs. It's a good thing we prepared for that because I am not sure there would have been time for that. It did not all go as planned -only because it went a lot faster than planned (that's a good thing, right?) but it was our perfect birth.